I queefed so loud it echoed.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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