I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
