All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
