I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Even my vagina gasped.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
