You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
