look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
