All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
