Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
