I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
