after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
