ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
