I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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