And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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