Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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