Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Randomize
