Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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