Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize