Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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