I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
