I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
