Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
