update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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