dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Randomize