Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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