I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
