Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize