I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
