Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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