I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
