I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
