Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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