They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I will be naked everywhere
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
