mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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