I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Randomize
