I'm jealous of your bromance
I met the friendliest cop last night
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
