Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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