I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
