I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
