His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
