i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize