My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
