My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
