Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
