I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
So I just went to clothing optional bar
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
