Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
