can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
We are all done wearing pants today
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
