I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
