I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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