grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
