I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
