He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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