Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
