Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
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