who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
