I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
