this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
