girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
