Ambien. No doubt about it.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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