Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
