Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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