i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
