I'm eating all of the evidence.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
