It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
