So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
