I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
