I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
