Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
