I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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