Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
