btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
