oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize